


sad boy hourz

by sickficbitch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, SOS, This Is Sad, Weed, bad day, depressed matsukawa, hahahahah im not, hanamaki is such a good bf, highkyuu, i need a hanamaki, im ok, its ok lol, matsukawa's mom, no beta we die like daichi, not a sickfic, stoner matsukawa, totally not projecting, ventfic, what, yup its a ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sickficbitch/pseuds/sickficbitch
Summary: matsukawa is having a bad depressive episode, luckily hanamaki is patient. (ventfic oops)
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Kudos: 28





	sad boy hourz

“Hey, Matsu? Can I come in?” Hanamaki’s hesitant voice floated from outside his boyfriend’s door. Matsukawa hadn’t made it to school that day, nor checked in with Hanamaki. He wasn’t that clingy, but Hanamaki couldn’t help but worry. Matsukawa normally sent at least a text message when he would be late or absent, just as a precaution. He never wanted to contribute to the red-haired boy’s anxieties. 

“Uhm, yeah,” Matsukawa answered, his voice groggy with sleep. His eyes were weary and dark, the faint light from the hallway barely illuminating his face. The room was pitch black, except for the meager amount of sunlight being mostly obstructed by curtains. Hanamaki sat down on his bed, worry settling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Why didn’t you come to school today? Or practice?” Hanamaki asked quickly, nervously. Matsukawa looked down at his hands, wringing them out. He was uncomfortable. 

“I dunno, I’m tired,” Matsukawa responded, staying relatively vague. He wanted to have more energy, for his boyfriend. He had come all this way, he didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Despite thinking it, Matsukawa couldn’t find it in himself to change his attitude.

It wasn’t like Hanamaki was dumb, he knew that his boyfriend had been feeling especially depressed recently, and hadn’t quite been acting like himself. Over the past few days, he had been quieter, zoning out a lot. Hanamaki had sensed it coming, he just hoped that Mattsun wouldn’t end up like this. 

“I brought your homework,” he said, unzipping his backpack. He set the papers on the boy’s messy desk, on top of his laptop. It was the only clear spot on the dirty surface. He noticed the trash, a couple of empty chip bags, and energy drink cans. He picked them up and dumped them in the trash nonchalantly, he knew Matsukawa had a difficult time keeping his space organized. His boyfriend just wordlessly watched him, his body numb to even the guilt he should have been feeling. “Oikawa and Iwaizumi said hi. Lunch sucked dick without you.”

Matsukawa huffed lightly in amusement. He would have laughed if his whole soul didn’t feel so dark. It felt like he was carrying a dead body with him, dragging it along wherever he went. It was so heavy, and he was so tired. 

“Are you gonna be at school tomorrow?” Hanamaki asked, patiently sitting on the other boy’s bed. He bit the inside of his mouth, trying to gnaw away the feelings of worry creeping up his spine. He hated when Matsukawa was like this, more than anything else in the world. He would sooner sleep on a bed of nails than have Matsukawa look at him with those dull, depressed eyes. 

“I might,” Mattsun uttered noncommittally. He ran a hand through his unwashed hair, cringing at how gross it felt. He couldn’t even remember the last time he showered, nevertheless brushed his hair, it was tangled to all hell, he couldn’t even run his fingers through the black knots. 

He wasn’t that shocked, he hadn’t left his bed in days. It was only Monday so he had the weekend to get over it before school started again. He just couldn’t get himself up. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Hanamaki questioned, his eyes locked onto Mattsun’s. He usually didn’t like being so forward but he felt like he had to. He didn’t want to be a bother, it was hard to tell what Matsukawa wanted when he was like this.

“Please, don’t leave,” Matsukawa responded. He felt really guilty, he wasn’t going to be any fun. The thought of Hanamaki leaving made him feel nauseous. “Stay, please, Makki.” 

All Matsukawa knew is that when Hanamaki was there, he wasn’t drowning in his mind; in the darkness. He wasn’t being crushed under the depressing, numbing weight. Makki cocked his head in surprise but nodded.  
“I won’t, I promise. I’ll stay here for as long as you need me.” 

“Thank you,” Matsukawa said as his voice cracked halfway through his sentence. It was raw with emotion and he seemed close to tears. 

“Have you eaten anything today?” Hanamaki shifted the subject before his boyfriend actually began crying. He glanced at the alarm clock on Mattsun’s side table. It was three in the afternoon, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn't eaten anything. As anticipated, Matsukawa just silently shook his head. “Can I go grab you something?” 

“I’m not hungry... but I can smoke, maybe it’ll make me feel better too.” Matsukawa thought out loud. He hated being dependent on the weed for his appetite and mood, but when he was this down it was the only thing that could snap him out of it. 

“That’s a good idea! Yeah, smoke up. Get those happy chemicals bouncing around your brain. I’ll go grab some snacks and water from downstairs okay?” Hanamaki suggested, pleased that his boyfriend was trying to make himself feel better rather than wallow in his own sorrow. 

“Okay,” Mattsun acknowledged. The redhead left the room and Matsukawa stretched over to his nightstand, extracting his dab pen. He clicked the button five times, turning the slim device on. 

His eyes locked onto the yellow honey in the cartridge, a million thoughts running through his brain. Before he could think about how much he hated himself for being dependant on the drug, he pressed the thing to his lips, inhaling deeply. As he exhaled he watched the vapor coil and dissipate into the air, his mood rapidly elevating with it. 

His bed felt so warm and cozy like he was dissolving into the sheets. He had spent days laying in it but at that time, it felt like a cloud. He could sense his lips curling into a weak grin as he blew more smoke, watching it swirl away into nothingness. He always found the mannerisms of the vapor so entertaining, never knowing what shape it would assume before disappearing. 

“Hey,” Hanamaki greeted as he came back to the dark room. “Can I turn on your lights now?” He asked, already reaching down for the plug to the string lights that were lazily hung around the bedroom. 

“Yeah.” Matsukawa breathed out as more vapor emptied from his lips. His boyfriend smiled at the sight, flashing the lights on before climbing onto the disheveled bed. He didn’t mind the messiness of the area, he was used to it. He did like to help Matsukawa though, throwing a load of laundry in the wash, or brushing crumbs off the sheets. He knew the boy appreciated it, sometimes he just couldn’t find it in himself to perform basic tasks. 

“Okay so, I got you some goldfish and a granola bar. And I saw these in your fridge,” Hanamaki motioned towards the small store-bought cream puffs he was holding. “I assumed they were for me.” 

“You would assume correctly. My mom just buys them from the store now.” Matsukawa responded with a warm smile. Hanamaki noticed the positive change in his boyfriend’s demeanor, feeling his heart warm up seeing his boyfriend already feeling better. “Which is kind of a big deal, by the way, you know how she is. She must be starting to accept you.” 

Hanamaki did know ‘how she was'. She was raising three kids essentially on her own, Matsukawa’s father found another woman when Mattsun was only in fifth grade. The unnecessarily messy divorce broke that woman. Things had mostly settled now, but Matsukawa and his siblings still visited their dad once a month. 

After the divorce, Matsukawa’s mom quickly became a ‘no-nonsense’ kind of person who wasn’t particularly happy when her oldest son came out as bisexual to her. She wasn’t homophobic, but she wasn’t quite accepting either. So the act of buying cream puffs was becoming more significant each time. 

“I’m glad. Hey, can I get a hit too?” Hanamaki asked, reaching towards the pen on the duvet as Matsukawa started to reach for the goldfish. 

“Of course. Wanna play Mario Kart? I’ll set it up.” Matsukawa asked, his small amount of excitement clear in his voice. 

“Hell yeah.” Hanamaki exhaled, grinning, watching as the vapor swirled and twirled into the yellow brightness from the fairy lights. 

Mattsun got out of his bed for the first time in days (to do something other than using the bathroom) and turned on his switch, sliding the game in and grabbing two controllers. Hanamaki accepted a controller and quickly selected his profile on Matsukawa’s Nintendo switch. 

“Hey,” Mattsun nudged Makki’s shoulder with his head as the game started up. “Thanks.” 

He let his head fall onto the other’s warm shoulder, feeling so grateful for his incredible boyfriend. He didn’t feel so heavy anymore; the mass was still there, but it was lighter, and it was so much simpler to breathe.  
“You’re welcome, babe,” Hanamaki responded warmly giving his boyfriend a soft kiss on the cheek. 

Abruptly, Mario’s voice cut through the tender silence, the TV volume needlessly loud. They both jolted in shock before laughing loudly, easily. 

“Now I’m gonna beat your ass, loser.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope yall enjoyed! this is a bit different from what i usually write but i'm quite proud of it. let me know what y'all think! have a good day/night!! <33


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